Another lackluster day, ended in an empty driveway. Heartbroken and shamed before the world, the wicked spawn of love laying waste to a field of dreams. So barren a plane to have born such fruit, it’s fate was set in stone, and no rearranging of the stars could have altered it. There is no potion so potent as to endure the afflictions of a young and fertile heart.

But my heart is young too. And it is sundered while midbeat, prepared for destruction but, at that moment, happened to be looking away. It is worn and weathered like a soldiers pocket watch, it’s many injuries healed over with a patchwork of romanticized ideals. At the same time festering with the lonely disease of reality, and fostering an innocuous cure for the sick at heart, both waiting to be unleashed.

Passion drips from my jowels, a frothing concoction of blood and sweat and tears collected. As if from a raincloud that follows my every move, they pool under me, congealing into a smooth and reflective surface of pure tension, off which my many shortcomings are amplified a thousand fold.

The time for change is always now. The time to lay childish things aside. The time to be selfish, get awesome, and learn to be the best me I can be. The one true Brian, an ineffable force, born from the moment of creation, when sum potentiality awoke, collapsing into the unified field we experience. Across oceans of time and space, born from the infinite shunyata, and deposited in the human machine, I have fought to reconnect to the Source, while others point elsewhere. I found love, even happiness, a clean spirited and innocent endeavor wrought with danger beyond a hill so far it cannot be travelled to.

I beat my heart again, and again. Baby steps, stalking the prey of loneliness. Forging the steel will to endure, to grow from this sundered carapace of mediocrity to the four wings of the enlightened soul. I strive for greatness, I lust for passion, I toil for truth. Where there is only the faintest of light, I see the spark of a star. Where there is only the named, material legos of realness, I see the quantum inception of harmony. Each memory of lost opportunities and failed commitments reflected in the cornea of my mind, producing a picture without color. A paint by numbers of how to live a drab and unholy existence, waiting for the catalyst of your heart, without a brush so fine to paint the detail you desire.

I refuse. To accept mediocrity. To endure failure without pressing their pages into a Cliff’s notes for success. To fall beside the path and watch those I love pass me by. I refuse to give up, and hereby forfeit the right to excuse. May this pain, which burns so fucking bright, never fade or become still, and instead be a hearth unto the cold, wet ceiling I’ve so soundly dented with my skull.

I define the world. The world defines me.

We are One.

I change the world. The world changes me.

We are Zero, seamless, shunyata.

“The future is a hundred thousand threads, but the past is a fabric that may never be rewoven.”

We Are All Connected

My instructor showed us this video at the end of class. It may be THE trippiest thing I’ve ever seen. It has segments that I recognized from other videos I’ve seen, such as the powers of ten video, and I would def recommend checking it out. It has the likes of Carl Sagan, as well as some other physicists that you may recognize from shows on History Channel or similar programs.

Enjoy!

A man, so skilled was he, that he effortlessly crossed a wire taught across the great falls of Niagra. Back and forth did he traverse the thin wire, making the impossible feat of tightrope walking seem natural.

The man then crossed the wire with a wheel barrow, filled with sacks of potatoes, and did not drop even one. Upon reaching the other side, he spoke with a man whom he’d noticed watching him intently all morning. “Hello,” he said.

“Do you beleive that I could take these potatoes out of this barrow, and put you in their place, and safely make it back across the rope, to other side of the falls?”

Surrounded by droves of fellow beleivers, the crowdsman affirmed the tightrope walkers divine skill by replying “I do beleive so.”

“Then get in the wheel barrow.”

To which the man replied by darting to the Canadian side of the border the way a fawn might elude a fox.

(Heard the gist of this as a parable told by some fancy preacher on the radio. I imagine it means to be a beleiver, one must not only watch from the sidelines, but must place their faith in god, by getting in the ‘wheel barrow’ and letting god carry you to the other side. I prefer the following:

Life and it’s problems are like a river. Religion is a boat one uses to get across to the other side. The boat is needed to cross the river, but when you get to dry land, leave the boat behind.

Also, one often needs a brick to knock on great doors. But when the door opens, one need not carry the brick inside.)

Just heard an interesting story on NPR about defining moments in one’s life. The argument, which I think most can identify with, is that one finds purpose in things like combat, sports, love, etc because these events provide us with moments of “peak experience”.

I think we can all identify with wanting to be a part of something larger than ourselves, something meaningful and important, something that will afford us a bit of permanence in a fundamentally impermanent world. Things like religion, love, war, and other life altering experiences normally provide us with those moments of “peak experience”, forever tying us to that which is perceived to have a degree of permanence, or bears the weight of choices with life altering consequences.

What is it in your life that provides YOU with life altering “peak experiences”, and what are you doing to further that exchange?.. Are we capable of planning for and attaining such moments? Or are we subject to them at the whim of the Universe, witless puppets facing the fulcrum of their lives, without so much a glimpse of the wall until they run head first into it?..

If anyone would like to share/trade moments, you can email me at theonetruebrian@me.com or catch me on twitter, @theonetruebrian. I’ll post them as an update to this post (with permission of course) and maybe we can get some kind of meaningful exchange…

-B