The pious roar subsides.
Focus turns. A pinhole. A lens.
A peeping glimpse on the whole thing.
The quiet solitude of one’s inner self. The mind falls at ease, like a boxer in the corner between rounds, and the fury of the tornado receeds to bucolic blades of grass. The tumult of audio traffic becomes the sound of sound, the rhythmic beating of one’s heart. Selflessness, outer being. The mobian flip of spotlight from self to other, a reaching out of the cloud. Taking a look without looking.
Enemies at the gates, like thunderous crackling in a quiet, far off sky. Don’t open your eyes. Open your eyes. Don’t open your eyes, till you’re good and ready. Breath free of the weight you carry, enjoy the brief solitude of harmony, before you realize it is the eventual outcome of infinite chaos.
Found this in an old notebook:
Eyes blur
Shadeless tones of grey
Descend on loving roses
Petals weep
And so do we
For flowers falling over
Do so with such dignity
While we bend and crack
And bleed
Beholden to the last grain
Slaves to fortune
Fists clenched
Around our favorite faded memory
Perhaps one mote post on Tumblr is called for. This whole situation is merely an allusion. An upaya, tricking me into a deeper learning, a deeper understanding. Giving me something worth holding onto, thank god.
There is need for one more post. To not end on a sour note. To see closure, to let go. To show how hideously beautiful this world can be, and why I can’t look away.
It may take some time, to press these new feelings through the machinery of language. To express the ineffable once again. Perhaps a good analogy, allusion, or just plain old honesty.
We shall see what is in store…
Yes. I think it may be time to move on. Soon I’ll delete the content from this Tumblr, and have a more dedicated venue. Then this will be relegated back to standard social media affair. Most of this is meant to be somewhat anonymous anyway.
I’ll be out there, waiting, wanting, wishing. Living and dying. Hoping and dreaming. Crying in forlorn despair one minute, wrestling life by the horns the next. I’ll adapt, and grow, and try so hard to understand, to come to terms, to find not peace, but equilibrium at least.
Those who know where to look will find me. Those that care to, will know me. So long Tumblr, you’ve been a useful medicine for me, perhaps someday fortunes will bring us together under better circumstances, where I might once again feel free to bleed my heart onto your servers. Until then…
It been real…
-Theonetruebrian
I have so much anger, and no outlet. This is effecting everyone. I feel like I’m dishing out my pain, unintentionally, in small doses to everyone I know. I just can’t let go, and have no release valve anymore. And every time someone says “are you ok?” I want to fucking scream. I don’t think I can pretend any harder, and nobody is buying it anyway.
I think this is probably my last Tumblr post…