Found this in an old notebook:

Eyes blur
Shadeless tones of grey
Descend on loving roses
Petals weep
And so do we
For flowers falling over
Do so with such dignity
While we bend and crack
And bleed
Beholden to the last grain
Slaves to fortune
Fists clenched
Around our favorite faded memory

Perhaps one mote post on Tumblr is called for. This whole situation is merely an allusion. An upaya, tricking me into a deeper learning, a deeper understanding. Giving me something worth holding onto, thank god.

There is need for one more post. To not end on a sour note. To see closure, to let go. To show how hideously beautiful this world can be, and why I can’t look away.

It may take some time, to press these new feelings through the machinery of language. To express the ineffable once again. Perhaps a good analogy, allusion, or just plain old honesty.

We shall see what is in store…

Yes. I think it may be time to move on. Soon I’ll delete the content from this Tumblr, and have a more dedicated venue. Then this will be relegated back to standard social media affair. Most of this is meant to be somewhat anonymous anyway.

I’ll be out there, waiting, wanting, wishing. Living and dying. Hoping and dreaming. Crying in forlorn despair one minute, wrestling life by the horns the next. I’ll adapt, and grow, and try so hard to understand, to come to terms, to find not peace, but equilibrium at least.

Those who know where to look will find me. Those that care to, will know me. So long Tumblr, you’ve been a useful medicine for me, perhaps someday fortunes will bring us together under better circumstances, where I might once again feel free to bleed my heart onto your servers. Until then…

It been real…
-Theonetruebrian

I have so much anger, and no outlet. This is effecting everyone. I feel like I’m dishing out my pain, unintentionally, in small doses to everyone I know. I just can’t let go, and have no release valve anymore. And every time someone says “are you ok?” I want to fucking scream. I don’t think I can pretend any harder, and nobody is buying it anyway.

I think this is probably my last Tumblr post…

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in the sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

1920 
William Butler Yeats

I’ve referenced it several times lately, and it’s one of my faves, so I figured I’d post it.